I Dyed My Hair

Last week, I went to a hair salon and dyed my hair. That was not the first time I dyed hair. I have dyed my hair five times already even highlighting it. I usually dyed my hair brown. Everyone could see the color of my hair only if it was under sunlight or somewhere bright. It is difficult for them to know I dyed my hair. Literally, no change at all.

But this time, it is different. It is a huge breakout for me and it is also the beginning of changing myself. I decided to go blonde. It has made a controversy recently. Many people love my new look. They said it looked cool, new, fashionable, or made me more handsome. Besides that, there are many people who don’t like it. They said I look naughty, did not fit with who I am, or was like someone who is a bad person.

Every comment of people, I received and appreciated them all. Actually, dying my hair blonde this time is a secret that I kept from everyone. I didn’t consult with anybody or tell them my intention. Like what I’d expected, their reactions were different but they were shocked in the same way. One thing I feel happy about after dying my hair blonde is that I didn’t feel guilty or anxious. I just did it. It’s simply “my body, my choice.” Even though I know people might talk about my hair, I didn’t really care about it because I just wanted to spend a little time taking care of myself so that it didn’t feel lonely.

Going blonde is an intention that I had been keeping since high school. I desperately wanted to dye my hair that color. But at that time, I was still under the guardianship of my mom so I had to lock it away. When I started college, my mom agreed to let me dye my hair, and brown was the only color I could dye. Now, I am a grown-up person and I have responsibility for my life as well as the right to choose what to do. And I dare to do what I haven’t done before. Going blonde is one of them.

I am always jealous of my cousins. They can do whatever they want without the forbidden of families. If they want to dye their hair this color, they will do it. If they want to hang out with friends in clubs or bars, they will do it. If they want to go on a trip by themselves to wherever they like, they will do it. Oh my God, I want to be like them. I never do anything else against the will of my family. I always have to keep a good image of myself in the eyes of everyone. I always have to become the face representing the whole family. I can never live my true self. Now, after they saw my hair, they didn’t like it and I received many prejudices from them. Well, dying hair doesn’t mean my character changed. It is still the same, It’s just I want to look different to change myself to become stronger and more confident. That’s all. I don’t want people to look at my hair and judge my personality. I don’t want anyone to control my life. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do and not to do. I don’t need anyone to tell me how to live life.

This is my life and only me has the power to control it.

So why did I dye my hair? Looking stronger and more confident is one. Changing myself is two. There is another reason and it is the most important one.

Recently, I struggled with so many things in life. If you read my second blog “The Time I Learned A Life Lesson In The Hard Way”, you will understand why. I also struggled with my relationship. I was the person who ended it. It was a wrong relationship that both of us knew in the first place. After all, my ex-partner didn’t lose anything and I bared the pain. I had been sad and desperate. All of those reasons combined made me want to do something new for myself. I realized my old person had been dead. I had been trying to look for him. But it was useless. Instead, I created a new person in me who is different from others before. This new guy with blonde hair gives me more confidence, motivates me more in life, passes me positive energy, and erases the bad memories inside my head.

I just want to say I love this new person. I look at the mirror every day after I dyed my hair and I said one thing like Fanny Brice said in “Funny Girl”. “Hello, gorgeous!”

If you want to try something new, don’t mind what other people may think about you. Just do it as long as I think it is right and doesn’t affect anyone else. We only live once. Do it while you can.