Myself in the next 5 years

The question that I am usually being asked in every job interview is "what do you see yourself in the next 5 years?". Man, I used to hate that question so much because I always got stumble and confuse when answering it.

When I was in high school, I told the interviewer in the exit interview that I will have a college degree, a decent job with a high salary, and driving a new car. Then, when I had an interview for my job as an office assistant, I said that I will become a small business owner and that was all.

But the thing is that I don't know what myself looks like in the next 5 years. I just answered what came in my mind.

To me, I just simply think that I am not a psychic so I cannot tell the future of myself. Or even if I do know how by some kind of universal power from spiritual world, it cannot tell anything. Things can be changed in an unexpected way that no one can prepare.

When Covid-19 hit the world, everything shut down and everyone was staying home. I didn't go out much. Besides working and attending classes through Zoom, I spent time reading books from my shelf that I hadn't touched, doing some handmade stuff, and trying something new. But there was a moment I realized I didn't have any plan for my future. It scared me. I looked at myself and just a flick, the question "What do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" popped up in my head.

For the first time, I could see the importance of that question and I figured out why they usually ask you that question in every interview. Here is my guess. Maybe it's wrong. I think that every job is important. No matter who you are or what you do, all they care about is what you can bring to the job. Asking "what do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" is a way to find out what kind of person you are and whether you are an ambitious person or not. They will see you through the way you work and accomplish the work they give. Or it can be about how you can bring what you learn from the job into your future career.

I sat down on my desk and began to visualize what I see myself in the next 5 years by looking at me at the moment. Do you know what I saw? Ironically, it was a black color.

I had no plan at all. I didn't know what I would be in the next 5 years until I cleaned my room. I found out a note that I wrote to myself in 2018. It said not to open until I am 40 years old. But I still remembered what I wrote inside. It was so promising and so ambitious and I didn't believe wrote it. Maybe I was still young and restless and my thought about future was too easy without knowing things are more difficult and obstacle than what I thought.

Strangely, that note gave me an idea of what I can see myself in the next 5 years. To reach a further dream, you must reach your shorter dream first.

So here is my answer for "What do you see yourself in the next 5 years?"

1. I will be a journalist: This is the career path that I am pursuing right now. I love the journalism because I love writing and reporting. Opinion and lifestyle are things I like to write about the most. There are many things to talk about and I want to express my thought on each topic or current issue that people are paying attention too. I want to work for The Washington Post, the most respected newspaper in America with; or Vogue, my best fashion and lifestyle magazine. Both inspire me to follow the journalism path.

2. I will be in New York or Washington D.C: Two cities that I want to be there the most. When I or if I can have the job in TWP or Vogue, I will move there immediately. I love the busyness and the hustle of the cities. I want to see the beauty of cities, the spots that I watched from every movie. And the most important thing is a better life.

3. I will be who I truly am: I'd like to keep this one for the next post. I will explain what I truly mean.

4. I will be a writer with my debut novel: Like I shared above, I love writing. Besides, I love reading books. I asked myself why didn't I write a novel. So I did. I finished it for a while and I am still trying to sell it to the agents and publishers. I see no hope but who knows.

Damn, only if I can answer to that question fluently like I write them down, it would be amazing. The reason I am writing this blog is because my birthday is coming. I will turn 22 years old soon. Once again, that nightmare of not-knowing-what-to-do is coming back to torment me stronger than ever. While other friends around me have a good career or good beginning for their career, I am still nothing. I still work normal jobs and try to make money to help my mom and myself. I feel so pathetic. I have to confess with you. I sometimes have doubts on my career choice. You know, you look at other friends around who are in the same major like you have an amazing knowledge and skills in this career. And you have nothing. That may be the reason I cannot think of what I see myself in the next 5 years because now I have nothing in my hands.

But you know what, a long road knows its best horse, a good movie must wait till the end, 30th is not yet new year. Life is unexpected in so many different ways. All I have to do right now is trying harder and harder. Put myself out there into the job and maybe one day, you will make it on your own. You see, there are ups and downs in our lives and either way you can always find out a way to figure out your life. One way or another.

Listen, don't be too harsh on yourself! I used to be like that which me to depression and the result is... well, perhaps, you've known already. It comes what it will come. Just be yourself and try hard until you make it. Or if it's possible, fake it until you make it.