I Lost My Best Friend

I used to think that whoever I met would stay with me forever. But as I was growing up, that thought no longer existed. Each of us has a filter that we will choose who to stay or to leave. Last week, I had to say goodbye to my best friend. We have been together for seven years. A friendship that lasted seven years was not easy because nowadays, people usually have problems keeping their commitment. We had been through so many things together. We used to get mad and make peace. We always shared things, even secrets. Every time we got mad, I was the person who made peace with her.

This friendship was built from credibility and reliability, and love. The proof was that we didn’t usually text or meet but our hearts always toward each other. I had to admit that I used to be afraid that one day I would lose her because I could never find any good best friend other than her. She was a fantastic girl. She was beautiful that I joked that she didn’t need to wear any makeup. When we were in high school, many boys fell in love with her. She was patient whenever I got mad. She always listened to what IU said and tried to give me the best advice. Since the day I met her, she has given me many wonderful gifts on my birthday or Christmas. She was independent when alone in America; meanwhile, her family was in Vietnam. She handled her life really well. She liked to hear me telling history or sharing my daily life stories. Whenever she needed help with homework or school projects, she would ask me to help her, and I never turned her down. I really liked this girl. I never thought I could find a best friend like her. If there is any memory that I remember the most, it would be the time after she broke up with her first boyfriend in America. He was an asshole who just used her for his benefit. At that time, we were not best friends yet. Just a normal friend. I came to that school a few months before her, so I knew about that asshole who was not a good guy. I warned her she must be careful when they were in a relationship. But she didn’t listen and assumed I wanted to destroy her love. So, she didn’t want to play with me anymore. After summer, she texted me and said she wanted to be friends again. She didn’t mention why, but I could sense that paradise had fallen apart. One day in a film class, she burst out crying and leaned her head on my right shoulder. Well, we did nothing other than watch movies in that class. It was like being in a movie theater; nobody could see what you were doing. She cried. I didn’t know what to do because no one had cried on my shoulder before. I embraced her for the rest of the class. It was the beginning of a new friendship.

She is perfect, that’s for sure. Whoever becomes friends with her must be very lucky. She was very nice to everyone around. They liked her. I can say that she was an easygoing person. I thought this friendship would last forever, but I had to say goodbye last week. Things began to fall apart after she moved back to Vietnam because her parents told her so. They said that life in Vietnam was better than in America. A few days before Christmas, she flew back. Since then, we have been only texting. There was something I had to tell you before I continue. Since the day I knew her, I realized I knew nothing about this girl. Her background, family, and life, and even sometimes, I questioned her name. I had nothing. I tried to make her talk and share with me by telling and sharing my personal stories. I thought we trusted each other and could feel comfortable sharing things with each other. It turned out I was wrong. I understood that it was probably her personal life, which I could not interfere with. But nothing about her was coming out, even how much I had tried. I definitely could not ask her directly, “Who are you?” because if she trusted me, she would have said it without hesitation. But no, nothing came out. There were times I forgot that thought completely. However, it kept coming back after all. It was in May. She texted me to say she wanted to return to America because life in Vietnam was different from what she thought. I told her before that deciding to stay or leave depended on her. She was a grownup girl who could make choices in her life without letting anyone decide for her. Yes, her parents might want her to come back to Vietnam. But the decision was hers. She could have said she wanted to stay. Now, she wanted me to find her a house for rent and ready to move back. I was so angry and said to her to think carefully. She could not move back in a snap like that. I could tell that she didn’t have any plan in her head. Until now, after we broke up, she has not come back yet. See? No plan. It made me mad. Obviously, her family in Vietnam must be wealthy enough to tell her to get back to Vietnam because they could take care of her. And she even told me that she got a job at a company as a marketer with a salary of 20 million VND per month ($844.4). It was not a lot in America but a big salary in Vietnam. She said she saw the company hiring on the internet and applied. I knew immediately that it was a lie. I understood that getting a job was not easy, especially after you returned from a foreign country. She could get a job with that salary in a short time. It was an impossible thing. You have to start from an internship and work all the way to get that kind of salary. It will take around 2-5 years. If you get a job with that salary from the beginning, there is only one possibility. Your family is wealthy.

I could see she was lying, and I didn’t know for the last seven years. Was there any time she actually told me the truth? I hardly knew anything about her from the time I met her until now. I don't want to continue a friendship where I myself had to face a person there I didn’t know who they were. It looks like she and I were over. I hadn’t talked to her for almost two months, which seemed to make me feel lighter because at least I didn’t have to worry much about who she was. She said, sharing everything. She should ask herself if she really shared or opened her heart to me. She thanked God that she met me, but I was working on this friendship. And she just wanted it to last, but she didn't do anything. Miss Ko knows what happened to me, and you ask yourself what you did. Would a friend like her? I still want to be like a friend. In our last message, I confronted her and blocked her forever. If my guess is correct, there is someone else who she can trust and consider her real best friend. I know that person. She should choose that person as her best friend because she seemed very happy and comfortable when I saw them together. Losing this friendship, I must be very sad. But do I feel regret? I don’t. I was the one to make the decision to leave. I guess it was the best way for both of us. I am very grateful to meet her in my life. Unfortunately, we could not go further than that.