I lost a good sister of mine

There is one thing that people usually tell me. "Anyone passes through our life will leave something remarkable that we can never forget." I cannot agree more after a recent event happened to me.

When I was in my first year of college, I worked in a restaurant. In there, I had an opportunity to work with a girl, who was my manager. She was so nice to everyone in the restaurant and professional in running every shift. At the time, she was still in school even though she was 30 years old. She studied nutrition. At first, I found there was a barrier between me and her. I mean the chance for you to be friend with your manager is like a salt in a large sea. That was what I thought at first. Then, I found out that she was super friendly and never treated her crews differently. But I still kept the distance. I didn't know why. Probably, I still had a thought that a manager and a crew can never be friend. It wasn't until I came back from my trip in Vietnam, I officially became friend with her.

Backstory.

She had a fiancé in Vietnam and they were madly in love. In 2015, she and her family came to the U.S. So she had to leave her fiancé in Vietnam and promised him one day, she would take him here to build the family. But her family didn't like that guy because simply, they didn't the future between them. She was so sad and eventually, they had to agree. Since her family was Catholic and he was Buddhism, her family advised that guy to learn Sacrament of Marriage and convey to be a Catholic. And he agreed. She told me that between 2015 and 2019, she had been back and forth to visit him. Then, they got married on documents. Still, as long as they signed the paper, they were officially a married couple. When I worked with her in a shift, she usually told me about him and their love. Like how they met, what they planned for the future when they were together in the U.S., what their wedding would be like, or how many kids they would have. She always told her stories with a delightful voice. I could see that she was super happy with this relationship and had a high expectation. Even though she shared stories with me, I still kept the distance.

On Summer 2019, I came back to Vietnam for the first time with my more for a month. Surprisingly, at the end of that year, she would go back to Vietnam to get married. Yes, they had chosen a good day to do the wedding. I couldn't be more happy for her. They were made for each other. I travelled to Hoian, a famous city in Vietnam. During the night time, me and my mom went for shopping. We stopped at a souvenir shop. There were a bunch of different gift ideas for me to choose. Then, my mom told me to buy the gift for your manager. One thing that my mom taught me that I must know how to build a good relationship with the people around you. Especially the good one. In my mom's perspective at that time, my manager was one of those, although she never met her before. But throughout what I said about my manager, my mom can tell what kind of person my manager was. We stopped at the lantern section. I chose blue and yellow lanterns. She loved interior design so lanterns might be a great choice for her house. And other gifts.

When I came back to work, I brought her my gifts and as usual, she was so exciting with my gifts. Then, I shared her all the things I experienced in Vietnam. I ended my Vietnam story by saying. "I hope I can come back soon. It was a fun trip. When you come back at the end of this year, you have to visit all the places that I have told with your husband. They're magnificent!" Suddenly, there was a spark of sadnesses inside her eyes. She was no longer exciting about me mentioning her "special" trip to Vietnam at the end of that year. She was quiet for a moment. Then, she put on a forced smile. "I won't go to Vietnam this year," She said. "It's over."

Two words "It's over" sounded so heavy and so painful. As if there was a lightning bolt struck next to my ears, I was shocked and speechless. All I could say at that moment "WTF?". Seriously, what the hell could I say more? Eventually, she had told every closed employee in the store with her about that shocking news. Except me because she wanted me to have a good time in Vietnam and not bothering about what happened to her. Because we were still at work, she told me that she would talk about it after work.

After we closed the store, we went to the nearest coffee shop and talked about that shocking news. She had been thinking about the wedding, the marriage, and the future after what her mom said to her one night. "Is there any chance that you can call off this wedding?" Her mom asked and continued to go on with her thinking and concerns about that marriage. It was not only her mom's concern but also her dad's concern. In the beginning, they had seen the marriage between their daughter and that guy would not go anywhere. One was because of the long distance, which made it so hard for them to know what the other was doing. Two was because of that guy, who did not take serious about that marriage, which he didn't care to study English, or know what he would do when he came to the U.S. Three was because of two reasons above combined that created a gloomy future which she could not know what days ahead would be like. One thing I realized about today's love. It was no longer about two golden heart loving each other and spending the rest of their life together without minding the money. Today is all about money and it's true. You cannot married someone because you love that person so much and ignore about the future. This is the society of materials and without materials, you are nothing. Don't even think about loving someone when you don't have a good career and much money in your bank account. Back to her story, it was true after all. In the end, the love story that I had admired didn't have the happy ending.

I felt sorry for her. I could tell that after breaking up, she still had feeling for him and loved him so much. Of course, she must. That was the love that she thought it would never end. At that moment, I didn't know what to say to her than "I am sorry." But it was right. What could I say when I didn't know much about breaking up? Especially when it involved in marriage. I looked at her and my heart was heavy and crushed. I never saw her so desperate and downfall like that. It seemed like she didn't want to do anything else than being sad.

After that night, I went home and thought about her. I couldn't get her out of my mind. I texted her to ask how she was doing and offered my help that if she needed anyone to talk to, I would be there for her. During work, I tried to cheer her up by telling my daily stories, or something fun that I read on social media. And just like that, she began to change. She stepped out of the dark and headed to the light. Of course, in order for her to do so, her family and people around must get involved to help her. Soon I realized that the barrier of a manager and an employee was no longer existed. We became friends. We hanged out more. We went to every place for drinks and food when we had time. We talked about everything. We helped each other in life. All of those made me like her more.

I considered her my sister.

One thing I liked about her the most is that she is 12 years older than me. It was a good thing though. In all my life, I always love to play or get to know anyone who is older than me because they are grown up and have more experience in life. When I was with her, I felt comfortable to share with her every story of my life even if they were personal or sensitive. She often gave me advices in life, told me what to or not to do, taught me from wrong to right, helped me out when I had a difficulty, and cared of me. I told her that she was like a sister that I'd never had in my life. There was so many time that I met the end of my life and wanted to end it. I wanted to embrace my struggles alone. But when I talked to her, she would be there for me. She even stayed late to encourage me to be stronger and told me that life is much worth living for. I didn't talk to my mom about my struggle because I didn't want her to be upset and worried. Sometimes, I thought of her as my guardian angel who showed me the right way to go. We texted each other every night and talked about our days. When we had free time, we drove far to other places to shopping, eat, drink, or hang out.

Like I said that I always felt comfortable when I was with her. Indeed. I cursed a lot. When I had an anger in me or something that didn't please me, I cursed it out. I cursed with zero tolerance. But she didn't mind at all. She understood that I didn't mean it. It was just my feeling at a moment. Then, after I calmed down, it would be gone. She saw it as a characteristic of mine. Though, she still advised me not to curse a lot because it was unhealthy.

When I was working in that restaurant, I had a huge crush on two guys. I told them both about my feelings. But they turned me down without giving me a chance to express my love. The reason of them was simple like this. I was not their type. Technically, they both wanted to love any guys who was tough, strong, had a good body, and excellent at sex. Did I have those qualifications? My ass. I had to admit that I was terrible in love. I was turned down so many time before. I always told myself that my time had not come yet. Return to my story, the first guy I told that I loved him, besides those reason, had someone to love who he called "the love of his life." I was like WTF. At that time, he was only 19 years old. How the hell on earth could he call a guy who he just met "the love of his life"? Completely BS. They broke up many months later, by the way. So don't call someone "the love of your life" when you just knew them for a few months. But that was not the point. He didn't consider what I said seriously. He treated as a joke and ignored me at work days later. I was so angry. I mean that if a person took all the confident and courage to tell someone that they love them, that person should have some respect because it is never an easy thing to say something from the bottom of someone's heart. I fell into a black hole of desperate. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I talked to her about this and in return, she texted me a long message to explain to me the situation between me and that guy. She said that it was fine to say I love him but it was too fast because I only knew a little bit about him and I couldn't tell if it was love or just a feeling. She continued that there was nothing to be sad. He ignored me because he didn't know how to communicate with me after I told him I loved him. So I had to give him some time to settle down. And I needed to stop loving someone who I just met. You know what? She was right about everything after all. Things happened exactly like what she told me. It was just my feeling. There was nothing more about it. I soon forgot him and treated him as a friend. And he soon became close to me. It was like nothing had happened between us. I admired her even more.

Do you remember the song "I'll be there for your" from the opening of "Friends"? Well, she definitely was that person they were singing in the song. She was a part of my life that I could not miss. I needed her. I just hoped that she would always be by my side forever. At least that was what I used to think.

Every party must come to an end.

It is very sad to say that quote. But it's true. The end has to come. She left me. The reason? I don't know. Yup, you didn't hear it wrong. I have no idea what happened to us or what I did to make her stop playing with me. After I came back from my Vietnam vacation trip this year, everything was fine with us. We still hanged out normally. But then everything changed after I dyed my hairs. It could not be that reason and yet, I couldn't think of any other reasons than that one. Ok, as you know, I dyed my hairs blonde. I took a picture of myself posing with my new hairs and sent her for the feedback. She said she still preferred my old hairs more. I understood that there would be people not liking my new hair. I told her that I didn't care about what others said about my hairs because I just simply wanted to take care of myself a little bit and tried out the new color. But I am still the same guy. I didn't become a different person. And my natural hair color is black. It would grow back. I am still me. Maybe she didn't see me as the same boy she used to know anymore.

We both less texted each other. We both less hanged out. There was a time I texted her about a special thing happened to me recently. She didn't care. All she said was "good for you" and stopped texting me. When I had a struggle in life, I used to turn to her to seek for help. But since I sensed something was wrong, I had to deal it all by myself. It had been months we hadn't seen each other.

When it came to my birthday every year since I knew her, she often was the first person wishing me a happpy birthday and asked me out for dinner days before my birthday. A few days before my birthday this year, I wanted to spend time with her but she was busy. When it came to my birthday, I didn't hear anything from her. The person I expected the most was the person disappointed the most.

I realized that she was mad at me because of something. I texted her that if she was mad something that I caused, please told me so that I could fix, or if she had something happened in her life, just talked to me. I didn't like when someone was mad at me with no reason. I am a straightforward person. If you want me to stay with you, I'll stay because I simply thought that I am important to their life. If you want me to go, just tell me and I'll get the hell out of your face. She ignored what I said or tried not to mention anything about being mad at me. She told me that she was busy at something and needed to stay focus on something. I was like too busy to text me or wished me a happy birthday? WTF? She continued by saying that she was not only online much recently. Please, stop lying! I saw her shared posts on Facebook and Instagram, liked or commented other people's post. She kept saying she was busy, busy, BUSY. It made me so irritated. The more I texted, the more I felt like she didn't want me to interrupt her or talk to her. She wanted me to leave her alone.

My heart was broken. To be honest, I would never do anything to hurt her feeling. I always considered carefully my action before I did. I really miss her, you know. It is very hard to forget someone who is so important in your life. My friends told to forget her because if she couldn't tell you why she ignored you, that would not be a good relationship. When two persons played with each other for too long, at least they had understood each other and felt comfortable to say things. In this case, she kept silent and I kept wondering why. It would not go anywhere. I am hurt deeply. But what else can I do? If this is what she wants, I will respect her. I will stay away from her life. It will take time for me to forget her, and to take her out of my heart. It is the only way because I cannot live like this when her shadow in my life is too big. It will be a difficult thing to do but I believe with my strength, I can move on like I used to do.

To end this blog post, I would like to send my gratitude to her and thank her for everything that she has done for me. Even though me and her could not be friends anymore, I still want to wish her all the best and be happy in life. At the beginning of this post, I said anyone passes through our life will leave something remarkable that we can never forget. Well, what she left in my life was more than a fortune. They were valuable lessons about life that somehow changed my life and my perspectives forever.