I fall in love again. But....

Happy New Year everyone!!! I hoped you have a great holidays with your family. I had a wonderful times with my family and I believed it was one of the best things that happened to me in 2022. So, 2023 is here and this is the first post of 2023. I'd like to start the new year with a topic that relates to love.

For me, love has been a complicated thing because every relationship that passed through my life, they were like a wind which left nothing. I was not the person who made the decision to leave and I think I will never be that person. It was really hurtful when they told me they wanted to break up. My first love was because she had someone else waiting for her and I was in the U.S. at that time. The long distance is always a major factor leading to every break-up. I didn't blame that because if two persons really love each other, they will never mind the distance and wait for their partner to come back. My second love was because she found out we were not fit for each other. My third love was so bad. Why? My ex came back to the person they used to love. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for them. I laughed eventually. It has been four years since the last breakup and I haven't been in a relationship with anyone. It is not because I don't want to. I think that at this age my thought about love is different. I realize that I cannot continue to chase after the wrong person or love anyone that I thought I could be with them like I used to be. Besides, it is great when you can find someone that also loves you and you guys can think of the long-term relationship. Before, when you were at a young age, your definition of love was easy and innocent. Two people meet each other and fall in love. That was it. But as you were growing up, that childlike thought only belongs to children. Love is more complicated than what you imagined. You begin to fear of love. You overthink everything. Like "Is that person right with me?" "What if we break up too soon?" "Are they cheating on me?" "Is that person good at sex?" "How can we work out this relationship?" "When can I say 'I love you' from the bottom of my heart to that person?" Well, I like that last question. Indeed, the more you understand about love, the more it is difficult to say I love you.

I fall in love again recently. I really like this person. We hanged out and just like that, I have a feeling for that person. Damn, I have a lovesick right now. It is straightforward to say that you have fallen in love. But it is too difficult to say I love you directly to the person you love. Indeed, I love a person, and it has been four years since my last serious relationship. Seriously, my feeling for this person is stronger than ever, and I want to make a move and say, “I love you.” It was so close, like something stuck at your throat, and you couldn’t spit it out. Or simply like this, you didn’t have the gut to tell them that you love them. I kept thinking, what the hell was wrong with me? You are a 22-year-old man, yet those three words make you sweat off your pants. I understand that if I don’t take the chance, the person I love will love someone else, and I will regret it. It’s honest; I don’t know. I don’t know what I am going to do. To love someone is a great privilege, especially after a heart-broken breakup, because your heart still has a place for love and feeling. So right now, I still don’t know if I can say “I love you” to that person again. But inside my heart, I love that person. You know this is the first time I have shared this status with you because when you love someone, you must be careful. After all, you might never have it again. It is like a double-edged knife. You can love them, but at the same time, you might be afraid that your love is not enough or you don’t want to have a broken heart again. Love is always a complicated thing no one can expect what might come.

I want to end today blog with a love letter from Ludwig Van Beethoven. This is what I want say if things work out with us and I can love that person. Cheer to love

My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved I can only live wholly with you or not at all -

Be calm my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever Thine,

Ever Mine,

Ever Ours.