After Every Relationship, Women Endure The Deepest Pain

When I was in school in Vietnam, I used to learn a story about a girl who got married is a jealous person. During the time her husband was in the army, she took care of her mother-in-law and child on her behalf. Because she didn't want her son to be without his father's affection, she pointed to her shadow on the wall every evening and told her son that it was his father. After her husband returned, the son told him that he was not his father because another father came to visit him every night. His jealousy flared up and he vented all his anger on his wife, even though she had made all sorts of excuses. Finally, to prove her innocence, she threw herself into the river. By the time he discovered the shadow on the wall when his son pointed and said it was his father, it was too late. It can be seen that the status of women in ancient society was consistently underestimated and despised. Even if the husband is wrong, the wife is always the one who has to admit the mistake to keep the family intact. Or when a woman can't bear children, why should all the responsibility fall on the wife without ever asking the husband if there are any physiological problems?

Source: A mother's love by Artist Mai Trung Thu/Indochina Fine Arts College

The wife in the feudal society also had to swallow bitterly when she had to see her husband have five wives and seven concubines, while the wife herself was the first. There are times when the husband commits four crimes that the Vietnamese ancients say are "The Four Walls" (Gambling, drinking, prostitutes, smoking), and the wife can't do anything even though she's advised to stop or helped to pay off the debt or stood up for her husband. The fate of a woman in the old days was forced by life to wear a noose around her neck with a Vietnamese principle "At home, submit to the father, marry the husband, and obey the son.” That is, unmarried daughters, must obey their fathers, when married, listen to their husbands, and husbands who died soon must obey their children. Unfortunately, when the husband is short of number, the wife, now a widow, must stay there until she is no longer on earth, but she must not get married to preserve her virtue. And even if they could take another step with another man, people would say "You have to take a baby boy / Like fish sauce dipping a rotten pig's heart." It means men should marry a virgin girl instead of a widow because it would make the man less valuable.

There is a masterpiece in Vietnamese literature called “The Tale of Kieu” by Nguyen Du. Thuy Kieu was the main character who had a tragic life when she had to be a prostitute to pay off the debt for her family. She was probably known by Vietnamese readers, and we all love and cry with her through each page of the story. It can be said that Thuy Kieu's life as well as Nguyen Du's life when he also had to run and struggle in the middle of life. A supporting character in Tales of Kieu that perhaps terrified Thuy Kieu the most is Hoan Thu, Thuc Sinh's wife. Thuc Sinh fell in love with Kieu after meeting her on the green floor, and it was from here that her life took another dark turn. Kieu is doomed to do Thuc Sinh's cause, but it doesn't go well when Hoan Thu, a person famous for being jealous, always aims to remove Kieu from Thuc Sinh's life. When I was studying "The Tale of Kieu", I nor anyone else felt hate towards Hoan Thu. But now I feel sorry for Hoan Thu. She is also just a victim of her husband's betrayal. She, like many hardworking wives, swallowed tears when she saw her husband following other women while they always loved and devoted their husbands, and kept the family's honor from harm. In the past, the role of women in the family was to know how to keep the family warm inside and out, even if the husband could go to war when there was war, or go to earn money or enjoy outside. Hoan Thu is jealous because she loves her husband.

In today's modern society, people always condemn the third person. Of course, we all condemn actions where a third person interferes in a love affair and takes everything away. But have people ever asked themselves the question, “Whose fault REALLY belongs to?”

I realized one thing. When another woman wants to rob a woman's lover, they can do it all. From seducing physically to verbally, anyway can make the other person fall in love and fall instantly. So their lover left them for someone else. There will be the following three cases when a woman is betrayed by her lover.

- The first is to comfort themselves that it's okay, that guy is an asshole anyway. It's not worth carrying your own slippers. He would also be kicked by other girls after all. That is karma. The women can find new happiness. Anyone who can do like the first case is a great person because they choose themselves after a broken love. Instead of choosing to suffer, they choose to move on and find a way to overcome it. They change their old self to become a different person. Whatever the ex is, they don’t care. They kept walking.

- The second case is to hold on to your lover to stay. Speaking of which, there is a Vietnamese song by musician Duy Quang called “A Passion Life.” “I beg you to keep lying, but please don't leave me." This is too sentimental to accept a lover cheating on them, or beating them but don't leave them. It represents the extreme suffering of a person who has been too engrossed in love but has lost his reason. But how do you know? The heart never listens to the mind. Knowing how to plunge into love, into that passionate life will suffer much bitterness that they themselves may have known or not guessed.

- The third case is to take revenge. This is probably something that happens often. When a woman sees her man having sex with a woman or a girl, the mad blood inside them begins to rise like a beast that has been locked in an iron cage for a long time. They used all their strength and hatred for the traitor to the other little trio to teach them a lesson. Use a helmet to break car windows. Rushing in to tear the little trio's body. But it is nothing compared to the trend of “throwing acid.” In the 1960s, Saigon had a shocking acid jealousy case, which was dancer Cam Nhung, a famous beauty at that time. Just because she loved a married lieutenant colonel, she had to pay an expensive price when touching a dangerous person. Lady Tran Le Xuan who was abroad at that time heard this news and immediately flew back to the country and ordered an investigation. It was also because of this jealousy incident that Lady Tran Le Xuan issued a law banning nightclubs as a deterrent. The case of the dancer Cam Nhung's acid attack was just the opening shot for a series of acid jealous attacks later. It has become a “trend” that many people follow. I find it so cruel. Those third guys are human, after all. If you fight with jealousy, you can also beat your hand lightly but don't do that immoral thing.

But there is a strange thing that most jealousy cases usually target the third person, but few people aim their anger at the other men. One thing should be remembered that the third people are just victims of men who betray and have passion for lust in them. Yes, admittedly there are beautiful young girls out there with attractive bodies and sweet mouths that have lured many men, already married. If that man is faithful and single-minded to his wife or lover, even if they are seduced by those girls, they will not be super-heartened because there is only one person in their heart. The third person is also a victim when those men flirt and pour out blatant but attractive lies. After all, those cheating men could get away with their crimes easily and even move on with another girl. That is not fair. Those wives should have thrown acid at that damned man, or hired a gangster to teach him a lesson and then got a divorce. That's sweet revenge.

Dear readers, maybe this whole post of mine today will cause many people to disagree because I lean more toward women. But the truth is it is. Women have always had to endure the sufferings of life from time immemorial. However, women's endurance is always much better than men's and they often turn their sufferings into motivation to move on. I have seen such women in my life. It is not correct to say that I understand them, because maybe I understand part of it but not all of it. But I love them very much. They are wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, lovers, or friends. So love and cherish the women in this life.